Brains for the simple-minded

All I heard all day was RT-PCR. All the other words sounded like blah bah blah to me

It’s not that I was not listening; it’s that I barely understood what I heard. RT-PCR means Real Time Polymerase Chain Reaction, for the benefit of those who don’t know (which included me until not so long ago ). It’s basically a molecular method by which we can make copies of DNA sequences.

As  I sat through the series of lectures, I silently prayed that my mind would suddenly open to this completely new world I was venturing into…that I would suddenly find light as I sifted through the mechanisms of denaturation, annealing and DNA extension.

The speaker kept saying that it wasn’t rocket science. He kept saying, “it’s just simple primer-dimery”. He gave examples of “very funny” data sets. I saw no humor in them at all. I felt my brain would bleed out through my nose.

And when the magical “Thank you for attending today’s talks, see you tomorrow” words echoed, my mind wandered off to simpler times. Times when ‘bases’ were seen on baseball fields — not on RNA; when the only place salt concentration mattered was on my french fries; and when all I was asked to do was ‘fold’ laundry and not DNA amplicons…

There I was, daydreaming. There I was, a mere 15 hours away from “DAY II” of the workshop. Something had to change. I realized I had only two options:  1) Surgically open my skull and shove an advanced molecular bio textbook in it; or 2) Put all my eggs of hope in one basket called GRACE.

The blood slowly flowed back through my nose and seeped back into my brain. Lol.

Grace can mean so many things – a free gift, unmerited favor, enabling power, God’s love in action…but one thing I know is that we don’t need to be in church in order to experience it. If grace was a person, I imagine a lot of us would be intimidated by him because he is everything we are not: strong when we are weak, smart when we are nutty, peaceful when we are most anxious and always composed in calamity. It would be much easier to embrace him rather than compete with him, don’t you think?

The speaker was right after all; this really isn’t rocket science. But it isn’t a piece of cake either…and life is just like that- we can’t get everything with a mere snap of a finger. I know it will take a lot of effort and a lot of ‘burning the midnight oil’ before I can really catch on with what I heard that day, but at least with grace I am confident enough to say that one day, I will know exactly what primer dimery is. And I’ll teach you when I find out

>> 2 Corinthians 12:9 says,

⁹ “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

The Sly Passing of Mr. Time

Mr. Today Time came about the day I was born

He smiled at me as I baby-talked

And herded me off to my first day at school

He danced with me at the high school ball

And studied careers with me.

Mr. Time always seemed sluggish when I was in pain

Yet hasty when I basked in joy.

He seemed to pause when I prayed

But crept an inch forward each time I blinked,

The steady ticks and tocks of his breath

Always half-seconds faster than my heart beat.

MR. Time had a wife named Love

In whose company I laughed and wept

They had a son called Life

Whom I embraced as my own

And a maidservant named Memory

Always trailing behind them.

THE Time family was tender and fondly jealous.

When I obsessed with self-seeking pleasures

And burdened myself with worry

Today hurriedly fled away;

I sorely missed Love

And hardly saw Life.

THOUGH my old-age is outlying,

I wish Mr. Time could escort me back to mom and dad’s arms

Whisk me in reverse to brother’s playfulness

And convoy with me to the delights of innocence.

But Mr. Time is speedy and knows only to travel forward

Solely Memory lingers to nurse my fancies.

TODAY Time is my comrade and brother

But he is sly as can be

Though he expresses himself as an expanse around me

When I peer over my shoulder, he is gone

He walks with me only when I perceive him to…

OH! That I may spend my days shrewdly enough

To hold fast to Love,

To cherish Life

And not let Mr. Time pass me by too quickly!

mian.hartantyo.01_09

PhD Blues + clues!

OK. I hate to admit it but this entry was bound to happen. Let me just start by saying how truly, deeply thankful I am for the many doors of academic opportunity that God has opened up to this very day of my life. I have not lacked any good thing, and have, in many cases, been showered with more favor than I deserve.

But even the scholastic yellow brick road isn’t always smooth. There are always cracks and stubble that you can trip over. And as for my academic journey, I suppose some of these comics can help describe some of the debris that keeps me from running down the loooong, arduous stretch of a track, into that glorious triumph! (people commonly call it graduation but we grad students just love to exaggerate this in direct proportion to how far we are from it)

This conversation really happened (me being the guy in glasses):

Hahaha!! This next one… I certainly try not to make it happen every day

For the benefit of those who don’t know, I am currently studying under a work scholarship. This deal entails that (among other duties) I help teach a class and correct student reports, lab day books et cetera… this is me doing that. Seriously:

P.S. no offense meant! The reports are not that bad Not all the time at least..hehe. I’m kidding.

And lastly, though this didn’t really happen, it may well serve as a warning to friends and family who may be curious as to how my research and lab work are going:

Hahaha..I think writing this gave me a bigger laugh than it did you. I guess it just comforts me to know that I am not the only one going through this so-called PhD blues. Some people even call it Permanent Head Damage! I refuse to heap that curse over my head of course. I would rather acknowledge that even though the scholarly path may leave us clueless (and desperate!) at times, there is a Perfect & very Helpful Deity who can always give us the wisdom and strength and more importantly, the motivation that we need to keep on.

I know you don’t need a PhD to be smart. PhD’s don’t even make people more important than others. But having Pursued (our dreams), Humbled ourselves (enough to trust God) and Delivered (the very best that we could), that’s what makes us not just smart but WISE. That is the essence of excellence. And at that rate, just about anybody could have a PhD…minus the blues. 

>> Psalm 69:32- “The humble will see their God at work and be glad. Let all who seek God’s help live in joy.”

PASSIONistas! (Blog Prelude)

Everybody has their own fashion sense. Not everybody has a good one though . I’m sure you’ve heard of fashionistas. They’re those people who you see in the glossy ads and base your clothing check lists on. Sure fashionistas are easy to spot..but PASSIONista? Well, in my newfangled dictionary, a passionista is someone who lives dictated by a WORTHY passion. Among the range of definitions for the word PASSION, two of the ones I love most (and thus chose to be central assertions in this blog) are:

PASSION. n. 1: The state or capacity of being acted on by external agents or forces. 2: An ardent (fiery, hot, shining, glowing) affection.

Life is too short to spend blandly. It’s too short to take for granted. It’s too short to waste on days without ardent affection! Ultimately, we live for God and for His purposes…we align ourselves to His will and love. But along the way, He gives us gifts, countless treasures if you might- in family, friendship, in solitude, in experience, in grace, in love, in hardship, in forgiveness, in charity, in receiving, in learning, in sharing…even in the mundane!

An unpassionate life is one where anxiety outweighs joy, where calculation overcomes adventure and fear overshadows love. To live unpassionately is to stubbornly stay the same way we are today, tomorrow, to live a life without purpose…until one day, we end up looking back on our years with sighs of regret.

A passionate life is guided by Truth, subsisted in faith, established in hope and governed by Love. It’s a lot of fun!

What should drive us?  What should melt us? What should empower us? What should make us smile, giggle, hoot? What is that external force that compels us with a fiery affection? If you can answer in a heartbeat, a PASSIONista you are!

>> Phil. 4:8- “…whatever things are true, whatever things are honorable, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report; if there is any virtue, and if there is any praise, think about these things.”

 > “Unless you find something worth dying for, you’re not really living” -RSt.James 

 p.s. I’m the second passionista from the left

Twisty clouds & a tale of un-regret

MAMMATUS clouds…that’s what these clouds are really called (although I prefer my ‘twisty clouds’ name better). This is a real picture; mammatus clouds are formed when the air is saturated with rain droplets or ice crystals and starts to sink.

I love this picture. This isn’t something you see everyday…or every lifetime for that matter. But the thing that I love most is the fact that these clouds are by-products of tornadoes. Now who said nothing beautiful can come out of a disaster? That is just not true.

There was this meeting I attended once in UPLB. There were 5 of us and we were asked, “when you die, how do you want people to remember you?”. I was only 16 years old then but after some introspection, I answered that I wanted to be someone with no regrets. Now, ten years later, I think that answer still holds true.

Whenever I reflect on this, I cannot help but become my melancholic self. I’m sure we all have regrets. My greatest one would have to be my dad; my relationship with him I mean. Everybody says that when I was little, I was daddy’s girl- both because I stuck to him like a lizard to a wall and because I looked like his little female version…and how I hated being teased that! Hehe..anyway, I will not attempt to narrate my life story. But in short, Dad lived in a whole other country, literally, and sadly we grew apart. I’m not proud to say that like many injudicious teenagers, I masked myself with apathy and did not make that much effort to keep in touch. On the occasions that Dad did visit, I kept myself at bay because I knew that he wouldn’t stay for long.

But I grew up, increasing both in years and in wisdom And I knew I had to change.  I knew this important relationship was one I had to rekindle, even in small, simple  ways. So I tried to contact him. We exchanged a few emails but when I moved to Malaysia, communication dwindled again. Remembering what I had to do, I sent several emails. But the emails kept bouncing back. I thought his email account may have been full and un-updated so I posted a few letters. After a few months with no reply, I got kind of nervous and decided to send a letter to Dad’s office asking for his current contact details.

Two weeks later, I got an email saying that Dad had passed away five months earlier. Needless to say, I was shaken and was forced to face the dreadful.

Those times weren’t easy but somehow, by God’s incredible grace, I got through it. It was hard but something kept telling me not to dwell on the thousand “what if…” and “if only…” sentiments that were running in my mind.

There was so much temptation to regret because there were so many things left unsaid, undone. But I realized that the past is the past and dwelling on it can be harder than moving forward. If dad were still here today, I would write more, I would give out hugs, I would serve him. I’d greet him happy father’s day and happy birthday everyday to make up for all the times I failed to remember. I’d appreciate his quirky little ways of letting me know that he cares.

Losing dad was like a silent tornado. But now the downpour’s stopped and the mammatus clouds have formed- I will never take relationships for granted ever again. I will cherish every moment I have with people I love. I will not leave any broken relationship unmended. Realizing this now does not make up for any of my mistakes, but I choose not to lament  because all these hard lessons are essential keys to life. I am a better person, and that is dad’s doing. I am the legacy that he left. And for that reason, I will not regret.

>> Romans 5:3- “We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us– they help us learn to endure.”

Living. Laughing. Loving together!

“Two are better than one,
Because they have a good return for their work:
If one falls down, his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken”

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Need I say more? All we need is love!

Goat chase?

I have this picture in my mind. It is of a 4-year old me telling a story. I am not sure if it really happened or if it was just a dream I had when I was little. I’ll narrate it to you anyway…

[oops, before I get to it, I have to let you know that the following account happened in the mid 1980's one afternoon in Jogya, Indonesia where I was born. I distinctly remember that we were barefoot when this happened..hehe]

” I was outside with Hary. We were bored and headed outside to find something to play with. We saw a man herding a few goats, probably leading them to the grassy field near our house. The goat-herder pushed the goats to go faster and so one of the goats (which had horns) accidentally stepped on the tail of our dog pappy who was on the street taking a nap in the sun. Pappy shrieked in pain and surprise and instinctively (I did not use this word in my original narration) tried to bite the goat, who of course tried his best to get away.

So Pappy, mad and growling at the goat, was oblivious to the fact that the goat he was challenging had big horns… Suddenly, the goat, realizing that he was bigger than Pappy, started to chase after him! Pappy ran straight into our open garage, past our kitchen and into our living room! Our helper who was cleaning up got the scare of her life as she saw what was coming at her and started yelling and running while Hary, me and the herder chased after Pappy and the goat…hahaha!”

It was crazy! I can still imagine that scene in my head… Anyway, I forgot how exactly but the herder and our helper (after recovering from her shock) somehow managed to shoo them out.

…And aren’t we all like Pappy sometimes? hehe..Not many people know that although I am a very patient person,when I get to the end of my rope, I tend to burst, and violently at that. Sometimes in our shock or anger or offense, our temper shoots up…we say things we don’t mean, we hurt people, we try to take revenge…and then we regret it. Vegeance is not ours (am I talking to myself?) and I think that whenever we give in to our bitterness or anger, we make our own demons and they eventually start to chase us. I received an email last week that said, “he who angers you controls you”. No doubt about it.

If Pappy would have kept his cool ( I don’t mean to expect too much from a dog, sorry Pappy), they wouldn’t have caused a wreck in the house and they wouldn’t have affected so many people in the process. So next time you feel intimidated or provoked or violated…keep your cool. It’ll save you a LOT of energy-physically and emotionally.

> Proverbs 29:11- “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.”

Mojo’s and socks

No, those are not my feet. And no matter how much I want to make fun of the person wearing these ‘mojos’ and socks, I have to admit that at one time, I was guilty (if not fond!) of wearing them myself. Before you judge our tacky fashion sense, you HAVE TO TRY IT…you’ll be surprised how comfortable your feet will be.

 

When you think about it, this combination is weird for two reasons- 1. mojos and socks were made for opposite reasons (one to be able to have something airy to wear in hot weather and the other to keep your feet warm and snuggly); and 2. they just look plain weird to me   Yet, when you put them together, they make perfect sense.

 

In the same way, we may often find ourselves in situations that just don’t seem to fit- we go through dreadful trials, we feel left out, betrayed, jaded. And many times, our circumstances seem to be pointing to the opposite direction of our dreams and aspirations. But what do the mojos and socks teach us? That in the end, everything will make perfect sense.  There is no circumstances too bleak that our perseverance, faith  and steadfastness of purpose (i.e. to reach our dreams) cannot overcome. We just have to keep going, no matter what. When we finally get through our storms, we will be able to see that the  weakness we felt then made us strong; the unsatisfaction we had pushed us to reach for greater things; the questions we asked gave us unexpected insights; and the dead ends we faced helped unearth paths that we never have though we would successfully tread. You’ll see. We all will.

 

These days I don’t wear my mojos anymore.  But on occasion, when I find myself in mojo-and-sock situations..er, when I get tangled in discouragement or when I get bogged down by stress, I remember them and just keep on–I take a baby step and trust that God is watching. Because doing this makes perfect sense.   

 

> Ecclesiastes 3:11 “He has made everything beautiful in its time.  He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.”

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